Online stalker...what would you do?

HeWhoRocks · 06. Apr 2010, 07:29 PM

Ok it's like this: i like to play online games, and one particular online game more than most. I've been playing this particular game on and off for a year or two and have mostly always maintained a policy of not befriending other players because down this road can lie madness. Recently i added a person to my "friends" list: this person seemed rational and well...ok. Since then i cannot log into the game for more than three seconds without this person PM-ing me. I cannot go anywhere in the game without this person keeping tabs on me. A couple of days ago this person told me she had actually had a sleepless night because she thought she had upset me: i have no clue what she was talking about. The problem is, while this individual represents no actual threat to me and i have the power to delete her from my list at anytime, i am concerned about the effect this may have on her. I did explain to her as gently as i could that while we are "friends", we are not joined at the hip: she said she understood and for about 24 hours it seemed that she did. Apparently not as the PM's have now returned to their former frequency. I'm not 100% sure she is playing with a full deck and i would not want to be responsible for harming a vulnerable person , no matter how annoying they might be. This game is a service i am paying for and i am starting to not enjoy it because of this "stalker" and if i'm honest, i'm finding the whole thing a bit scary. Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing and if so, how did you deal with it?

wdhpr · 06. Apr 2010, 08:03 PM

Back in the day when IRC was all the rage I encountered a similar experience. The problem is some people will actually live their whole lives through the internet. I recall many people having internet spouses. IE: married to each other but not in the traditional and legal sense. Some where actually married legitimately in real life as well as being married to their internet partner.
Some actually divorced the real spouse to be faithful to the internet spouse.
VERY STRANGE

The main reason I stopped going on the IRC is because one lady ( at least she said she was) Would not leave me alone. She became obsessed and was relentless. She also would say things to try to get me to feel sorry for her and actually threatened to overdose on her meds.

What started out as a great way to chat with friends and play games ended with me getting out of it all together. I had to deploy for 6 months anyway and I never returned to it.

Have you tried to change your name/logon ID? I couldn't do that on the irc because at the time my IP would follow me. You could try to be more firm with her. You may try and introduce her to someone you don't like

The problem is obsession is the same over the internet as well as in real life.
In reality you may have to pick another game venue.

Cheers
Wdhpr

HeWhoRocks · 06. Apr 2010, 08:21 PM

Thanks wdhpr.
Unfortunately i can't change my game identity and have decided for the sake myself and her that deleting her once and for all is the only realistic solution. I've never experienced anything like this and it's not nice. You are right about the way people substitute this stuff for their actual lives, but for me it's just a game to be enjoyed and beaten. It's a shame because i'm sure she is a genuinely nice person, but if i wanted somebody keeping tabs on me and demanding to know what i'm doing when not with her, i would have got married.
Why does this stuff need to be this insane? I just want to fight evil in fantasy worlds and not have the real world intrude. Oh well, such is life. Thanks for sharing your experience: it's good to know it's not just me.

Have a good one.
grf

1002richards · 06. Apr 2010, 08:32 PM

I think you're right to 'delete' the contact. You're there to have fun not to be stalked.

Sope · 06. Apr 2010, 09:30 PM

It's commendable that you wanted to avoid hurting this person, but sadly it can be extremely difficult to shake someone from this kind of unhealthy obsession. Ultimately her feelings are not your responsibility. IMO blocking her access to you was the best option for both of you under the circumstances.

HeWhoRocks · 06. Apr 2010, 10:50 PM

Thanks all.
The person is now deleted and i will be more cautious in the future. Hopefully in a gaming community of over 2.5 million i'll be able to avoid her from now on: oh man if only i were that lucky. It's weird though, it's like inviting a person into your home and then having to boot them out when you realise they are bonkers. Not a pleasant experience but one to learn from.

Have a good one to all.
grf

rhiannon · 07. Apr 2010, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grf

Thanks wdhpr.
Unfortunately i can't change my game identity and have decided for the sake myself and her that deleting her once and for all is the only realistic solution.
Thanks for sharing your experience: it's good to know it's not just me.

Have a good one.
grf

It isn't you - for many there isn't a clear line between real life and their lives on the internet, particularly in online games and sites like Second Life.
It's sad you have to delete her, but not doing so would likely increase her behavior.

HeWhoRocks · 07. Apr 2010, 08:46 AM

You're right rhiannon it is sad. Today i woke up with the certain knowledge that another person is now upset because of me and that is not a good feeling. Her only crime was liking my (virtual) company more than i liked hers i suppose. I hope she finds what she is looking for but i can't help her with that because whatever it is, it's not what i am looking for. I really do wish her well and hope she can find the happiness she deserves.

06. Apr 2010, 07:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
HeWhoRocks Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Mostly planet Earth Posts: 324	Online stalker...what would you do? Ok it's like this: i like to play online games, and one particular online game more than most. I've been playing this particular game on and off for a year or two and have mostly always maintained a policy of not befriending other players because down this road can lie madness. Recently i added a person to my "friends" list: this person seemed rational and well...ok. Since then i cannot log into the game for more than three seconds without this person PM-ing me. I cannot go anywhere in the game without this person keeping tabs on me. A couple of days ago this person told me she had actually had a sleepless night because she thought she had upset me: i have no clue what she was talking about. The problem is, while this individual represents no actual threat to me and i have the power to delete her from my list at anytime, i am concerned about the effect this may have on her. I did explain to her as gently as i could that while we are "friends", we are not joined at the hip: she said she understood and for about 24 hours it seemed that she did. Apparently not as the PM's have now returned to their former frequency. I'm not 100% sure she is playing with a full deck and i would not want to be responsible for harming a vulnerable person , no matter how annoying they might be. This game is a service i am paying for and i am starting to not enjoy it because of this "stalker" and if i'm honest, i'm finding the whole thing a bit scary. Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing and if so, how did you deal with it?

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06. Apr 2010, 08:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
wdhpr Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: The north Coast Posts: 1,117	Back in the day when IRC was all the rage I encountered a similar experience. The problem is some people will actually live their whole lives through the internet. I recall many people having internet spouses. IE: married to each other but not in the traditional and legal sense. Some where actually married legitimately in real life as well as being married to their internet partner. Some actually divorced the real spouse to be faithful to the internet spouse. VERY STRANGE The main reason I stopped going on the IRC is because one lady ( at least she said she was) Would not leave me alone. She became obsessed and was relentless. She also would say things to try to get me to feel sorry for her and actually threatened to overdose on her meds. What started out as a great way to chat with friends and play games ended with me getting out of it all together. I had to deploy for 6 months anyway and I never returned to it. Have you tried to change your name/logon ID? I couldn't do that on the irc because at the time my IP would follow me. You could try to be more firm with her. You may try and introduce her to someone you don't like The problem is obsession is the same over the internet as well as in real life. In reality you may have to pick another game venue. Cheers Wdhpr

06. Apr 2010, 08:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
HeWhoRocks Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Mostly planet Earth Posts: 324	Thanks wdhpr. Unfortunately i can't change my game identity and have decided for the sake myself and her that deleting her once and for all is the only realistic solution. I've never experienced anything like this and it's not nice. You are right about the way people substitute this stuff for their actual lives, but for me it's just a game to be enjoyed and beaten. It's a shame because i'm sure she is a genuinely nice person, but if i wanted somebody keeping tabs on me and demanding to know what i'm doing when not with her, i would have got married. Why does this stuff need to be this insane? I just want to fight evil in fantasy worlds and not have the real world intrude. Oh well, such is life. Thanks for sharing your experience: it's good to know it's not just me. Have a good one. grf

06. Apr 2010, 08:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
1002richards Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Sussex, UK. Posts: 167	I think you're right to 'delete' the contact. You're there to have fun not to be stalked.

06. Apr 2010, 09:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sope Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Wales, UK Posts: 809	It's commendable that you wanted to avoid hurting this person, but sadly it can be extremely difficult to shake someone from this kind of unhealthy obsession. Ultimately her feelings are not your responsibility. IMO blocking her access to you was the best option for both of you under the circumstances.

06. Apr 2010, 10:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
HeWhoRocks Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Mostly planet Earth Posts: 324	Thanks all. The person is now deleted and i will be more cautious in the future. Hopefully in a gaming community of over 2.5 million i'll be able to avoid her from now on: oh man if only i were that lucky. It's weird though, it's like inviting a person into your home and then having to boot them out when you realise they are bonkers. Not a pleasant experience but one to learn from. Have a good one to all. grf

07. Apr 2010, 08:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
HeWhoRocks Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Mostly planet Earth Posts: 324	You're right rhiannon it is sad. Today i woke up with the certain knowledge that another person is now upset because of me and that is not a good feeling. Her only crime was liking my (virtual) company more than i liked hers i suppose. I hope she finds what she is looking for but i can't help her with that because whatever it is, it's not what i am looking for. I really do wish her well and hope she can find the happiness she deserves.