Now public domain, an oldie, but still a good read

[emmjay]

If Operating Systems were Airlines
DOS AIR All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, etc..
WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin to wonder why it has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of AS/400 The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have Support Line, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
VMS AIRLINES The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS Each passenger brings a piece of the air plane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
XP JUMBO Economy class only, on board meals are served with a full page text of instructions that serve no purpose whatsoever. The fleet is vast and boasts of multicoloured life vests with smiley faces on them.
LINUX AIRLINES An airline exclusively catering to Atheists, Global Warming Enthusiasts and those who want to fly without the threat of terrorist attack. All passengers travel free. Passengers prepare the aircraft for take-off, partition it, bring their own in-flight granola bars, soy beverages and organically grown silk parachutes. The fleet has no seats, life vests, crew or 'windows'. The passengers take turn flying and landing the plane.
VISTA AIRLINES Based on the TV series 'Lost'.
SEVENAIR Pilots no longer need 'permission' to take off, land or use the bathroom. Passengers must purchase upgrades to previously held tickets to fly SevenAir. On board Complimentary Service is offered to deter passengers from bringing something better with them.

[bk_7312]

This sounds all so familiar, I've actually read something quite similar to this before. See here: http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-011

[emmjay]

The one I posted was sent to me online by a friend who got it from another friend who worked at a datacentre many decades ago (just shows how old the original is). I am sure it was lifted by someone then updated to make it more current. Another I came across had the same stuff with "Regional Carriers" added, which included many other defunct operating systems.

[chris.p]

Here's a version I rewrote about 2002 I think:

http://www.pelaginox.com/netjokes/nj-OSairlines.html

[bk_7312]

Originally Posted by chris.p

Here's a version I rewrote about 2002 I think:

http://www.pelaginox.com/netjokes/nj-OSairlines.html

Wow, now that's really funny.

DOS Airlines

You get on board the plane to find that there are no seats, just loads of bicycle pedal machines bolted roughly to the floor. There's no proper engine, so everyone has to pedal like hell, which spins the propeller, and finally the plane takes off. You skim the trees at 40 mph all the way to the destination – which takes forever to reach. The pilot is using a map from around the year 1750 and written in Latin, so finding his way isn't easy. He gets lost and starts yelling and shouting. Finally you get there and hit the ground hard, you're shagged out and starving. But at least it was cheap.

I think walking would be a much better idea...

Windows Airlines

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Airlines

Just like Windows Airlines, but costs more, uses bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a ten mile radius when it explodes.

For some reason, this one really made me laugh my head off...

Linux Airlines

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. There aren't many routes as yet; but the cost of the flight is incredibly low, with small extras such as a fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, which you can also download and print yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO-manual. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time and without a single problem, and the meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is: "You had to do what with the seat?"

This really sounds like Linux and the part about the seats are quite true but nowadays they're getting more and more irrelevant.